Franklin Yayra Adorsu-Djentuh
Kudzra Road, Behind Sports Stadium
P.O. Box KD 28
Kpando, Gabi
Volta Region
Ghana, West Africa
Dear Future Wife,
It is with great pleasure and thankful heart to our lord Jesus Christ to have the grace of life to write you this letter. Allow me to give you a sneak peek into what my perception about our future union should be like. As typical of every young man’s perception of marriage, they are full of fantasies and a virtual idealistic fairy tale that ends happily ever after. I dare say am not an exception, nevertheless I have grown to appreciate the complications of human nature with different personality traits and temperaments. I have come to accept the convolutions of cohabitation. Though i have not cohabitated before but “cohabiting” with my own mother and aunties predisposed me to some of the challenges of living together as adults , so I don’t expect anything exceptional in marriage.
I understand Marriage is like a swinging pendulum which has fair and dark sides, so for one to survive is to be psychologically prepared and mentally matured to embrace the up and down moments it comes with. Nevertheless our individual eccentric natures and idiosyncrasies are something we can’t completely do away with in other to accommodate each other. That is the baggage we have to bring along to the marriage and I believe we must both be kind enough to accept and deal with each others baggage but please make sure your baggage is not in excess of 100kg. The excess baggage always become the weight that torpedoes the boat, so let us be reasonable to jettison the excess as a form of sacrifice in other to have a smooth sailing to the shore. I acknowledge am only human, fallible and mortal so I don’t think of myself so highly, neither do i think lowly of myself either. Am seriously working on reducing the weight of my excess baggage for our sake and I expect same from you.
But to make matters better, I want to give you the opportunity to enter in to my head to understand the architectural engineering of my thinking faculty and also expose to you some of the faulty wires in there so that you can start studying the electronics of the circuit connections and how to possibly fix them when they get touched wrongly along the way. I hear there is something called gender right and equality, yes I have studied about it in school and have promoted it in diverse way for the liberation of suffering women in abusive marriages in our society. You can call me a gender advocate but that phrase “equal right” cannot work between you and I. You and I are not equal. No! God did not create us equal.
I have always been against that phrase “equal rights”. What our women need is “empowerment” not competition with men. You have rights that I don’t have so do I also have rights that you don’t have. We have different rights and responsibilities and that is how God has ordained it. You are so unique that i can’t compare myself to you, and vice versa. Let’s accept our different God given roles, be in our respective lanes and not try any path crossing. Gender right is very important in this our era but let us leave equality issues to suffering women in abusive marriages. Our marriage does not need the equality medicine because my prayer is that we will be fine.
I expect you to be highly intellectual and professionally astute but PhD won’t work with me. Your educational qualification is for your professional life and not marriage life, so I will hang mine at the door post when entering our home and I expect you to do same. Sometimes couples want to use tittles and status to make case and complicate issues but I see them as the manipulations of the devil to rift marriages apart, I will support you to the pinnacle of your career so that I can be that proud husband but not for you to become my lord at home. At home we both have one title to our names and nothing else. You are wife and i am husband full stop. Just do for me what the bible have instructed the church to do for Christ and I will do what Christ did for the church. This is not a conditional clause though but a concurrent action. Even if the church misbehaves Christ will still love and died for the church so I don’t intend doing any different so just be focus on your responsibilities as a submissive wife and we will be happy together.
Sorry to let you know this but am a very disorganised person and I have sought different treatment but the more I tried the more I get disorganised. The last doctor I met diagnosed you for me. He says when you come to my life everything will be organised. I believe he is saying the truth but if you know you cannot organised me then please let me be. I need help and as God promised Adam he will give him a help meet so do I expect you to be my help meet in all aspect. Also I am a bit uncompromising in whatever i believe in, it takes a lot of persuasion to change my mind. If you decided to pick a fight with me over that, you will end up hurting our relationship because that won’t change my mind either. But we can work it through love rather and there will be an agreement. Where there is love, there is a way. As the bible puts it, love conquers it all. Am very easy going and compromising though, just a little stubbornness.
You have been hearing the adage “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” that adage was very much coined for me. A sumptuous meal is my “Achilles hill” so you can image what the absence of that will do to me. I was always thrilled about the way my grandmother used to serve my grandfather meals with the best part. I always relished that day when I get to that position of my grandfather to be served meals on table. I hear that is archaic tradition so women don’t cook and serve their husbands anymore because they are busily working to bring money home and also handling other weightier matters other than domestic chores. I hear they are called career women. But this has been my dream marriage and this is all I have been working for so how do we balance the home and the work so that I don’t get rob of my aspirations as a husband. Please don’t tell me to go marry unemployed village woman or help myself with food in the fridge, don’t tell me you are not a slave, don’t tell me am living with a 19th century mentality. Is this too much to ask as a husband?
Just imagine this, I have been queuing for waakyee and kenkey for the past decades I have hustle to have a nice meal at home and now that God has bless me by giving you to me as a help mate, why should equal right, educational qualification, modernity and career rob me of this blessings. I don’t expect much from you but just some basic needs that make me feel complete as a man. One of my motives of entering in to the marriage is for you to manage my life and stomach well and effectively. I love fufu and palmnut soup, I know I can’t get this often as I may wish but at least weekends will be fine. But please no “Neat Fufu” I will be around to help pound it but even if am not around to help, I trust you can find a way around it.
Thought I understand marriage is supposed to open without secrets, but I don’t intend to loose my privacy either in certain matters. I am not buying you neither are you going to buy me. What we should have is a respected partnership and i promise i won’t rob you of your freedom and social life. I don’t intend to make you a prisoner in marriage, so do l expect you to give me that free hand to operate if the need be. I don’t want any restrictions and I don’t intend restricting you unnecessarily either (thought i may use my right as the head if the need be in some cases) but let us be reasonable with each other, there should be no military orders, only suggestions and advice which should be worked through love. I hope this does not offend you in anyway, i know you may have concerns about certain aspect of my make up but there can be improvement and the medicine for that is love through your lifestyle not argument. This is where i want to end my first letter to you. There are more to come. Kindly contact me for clarification on any issue that does not sit well with you. My regards to our future children.
Your Future Husband.
The Duke of Gabi
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